Interviews.
One of the most effective forms of education is through learning from other people's stories and hearing about their experiences. With that being said the following are stories that we have chosen to feature. Those featured were asked to answer the same questions discussing their experiences through eating disorder recovery, the advice they have to offer to others in recovery, and discuss the impact of COVID-19 on their eating disorder or their recovery journey. If you'd like to be highlighted in our next issue, please make sure to fill out the inquiry form on our website.
CATHERINE COLBERT, 17
Did COVID/ quarantine affect your eating disorder in any way?
Initially, my relationship with food improved. I would argue that part of that had to do with the fact that I was eating on a more regular basis, and I didn't have to eat in front of other people; however, that soon changed. What had initially been recognized as a two-week break soon, the stress of the pandemic caught up with me. I relapsed on multiple occasions throughout the past year, and I am continuing to find a balance in life, learning not to punish myself for things that I can't control. I am proud of myself for the improvements that I have made because I have come quite far. However, there is still a long journey ahead of me. Recovery doesn't happen overnight.
How have your family and friends responded to your eating disorder?
If I'm entirely honest, most of my family didn't even know that I struggled with food and with an eating disorder until I released the first issue of my magazine. When I was struggling and tried to discuss it, I was told that I was overreacting and that I didn't have a problem or was selfish because there are people out there who struggle with malnutrition. The only reaction that I would get when I saw my extended family was "wow, where did the other half of you go" or "is this a new person?" and would compliment me on my weight loss when in reality was struggling with anorexia. Even at this point, when I have tried to explain that I am in recovery, many still think it is recovery from binge eating disorder. They have interpreted it as me trying to develop a healthy lifestyle because they continue to believe that I was not small enough or sick enough to have a form of anorexia. Aside from that, though, I am grateful that I was provided with a team of medical professionals who helped guide me in the right direction and help me during my recovery journey.
If there is one thing you would like to change about the way family, friends or society view eating disorders, what would it be?
In terms of family members, I would change their perspective on eating disorders. I wish that they recognized when an issue occurred before the point of no return and help support that person while struggling rather than only taking action when a problem is too severe. I would offer some advice for people to be more cautious in terms of the language they use or things they may say to someone who may be struggling with body image issues. Even if the comment may not mean to be rude or mean, many things can be triggering to people struggling with an eating disorder or who are in recovery, so it is important to set those boundaries and be cautious.
Imagine your eating disorder was a person sitting in front of you. If you could say one thing to your eating disorder, what would it be?
I would say that you exist and have been my longest and most toxic relationship. I've seen the different sides of you, but more importantly, I felt the effects on you physically and mentally. You create this form of abuse that no one deserves to have to suffer through, yet you continue to affect millions of other people and me, so screw you because I'm much better off without you. Unfortunately, I can assure you everyone else is too.
If you could offer advice to anyone who has struggled or is currently struggling with an eating disorder, what would it be?
One of the most important things is to remind yourself that you are not only beautiful on the inside and out, but you are a fighter, and you are strong. I know that may sound cliche considering it's been said a million times, but it's true. I'm going to be honest, struggling with an eating disorder and working to recover are by far some of the hardest things you'll probably ever have to do, considering food is something that we need to live. At this moment, you are both your best friend and your worst enemy as you are working to recover. It's going to be tough, but it's okay to struggle to have bad days and good days because the ultimate results matter most in terms of recovery. I would also write a list of what you want to see by recovering from your eating disorder and a list of goals, whether big or small, that you may have because I can assure you they will have more of an impact than you think.
ANONYMOUS, 15
Did COVID/ quarantine affect your eating disorder in any way?
Like many, my quarantine was spent in isolation. I had the entire day and night to myself, which often led me to spend hours scrolling through social media, seeing celebrities post photoshopped pictures, posting ads of impossibly skinny models, etc. The scrolling was endless; the posts were everywhere-Pinterest, Instagram and Snapchat. Quarantine gave me the free time I was not used to having, and much of that time was spent focusing on what I saw as flaws and imperfections. The time alone allowed my insecure thoughts to spiral-worsening my feelings about myself.
How have your family and friends responded to your eating disorder?
Reactions have varied-i could not have asked for a “better” reaction from my parents. They were sad and struggled to comprehend how their once happy and lively daughter developed an eating disorder. I think it was tough for my mom to accept, as she had spent her career working in mental hospitals and eating disorder treatment facilities. I imagine it must have been hard to watch her daughter go through what she had seen other children go through, but because of her experience, she knew what treatments would be helpful to her and understood what I was going through. I told a few close friends who were also very supportive; however, a couple of peers encouraged my eating disorder, suggesting new diet and fasting plans, different laxatives and vitamins, and even began offering to throw up as a “quick and easy” way to lose weight. a doctor I visited dismissed my eating disorder, saying I was “barely underweight” and I should “simply stop taking the laxatives.” This was disappointing to hear, and I felt like my attempt to have an eating disorder had failed. Looking back on it should be a good thing, but at the time was very discouraging. While there were a few negative responses, I feel fortunate that the majority were supportive.
If there is one thing you would like to change about how family, friends, or society view eating disorders, what would it be?
I wish people would understand that ending your eating disorder takes a lot of mental strength and determination-the guilt I felt after eating full meals was challenging to complete. I would end up subconsciously counting calories. I wish people would understand that it can feel like there is no end-like nothing will be enough. I want the media would stop showcasing underweight and photoshopped models. I wish more people understood that eating disorders could start early in one’s life. I hope people who are struggling with an eating disorder recognize that they are enough.
Imagine your eating disorder was a person sitting in front of you. If you could say one thing to your eating disorder what would it be?
I would ask if they would ever be satisfied.
If you could offer advice to anyone who has struggled or is currently struggling with an eating disorder, what would it be?
I would want them to know that it’s so important to put all of your efforts into treatment and that it does get better. It takes time and effort, and more strength than most people could comprehend, but eventually, eating becomes easier and not stressful, and it does get better. Recognizing that you want to stop your eating disorder is crucially important, and realizing that you and your body are enough is equally important.
MARY ROJACK, 17
Did COVID/ quarantine affect your eating disorder in any way?
COVID and quarantine definitely affected my eating disorder. Structure and routine are two things that I value and are necessary for my life to thrive. When COVID hit, I finally got back on my feet after being in the hospital and PHP. I recently returned to school, and life was starting to feel somewhat normal. But before I knew it, I was really struggling again. When I am busy with school, sports, and other activities, I tend to do very well with my recovery. At first, I didn't really understand why because during the thick of my eating disorder, all I wanted to do was stay inside and not do anything. Not only because of my lack of energy but also because I did not want to live life anymore. Once quarantine began, I realized I liked being busy because it took my mind off of food and my body and helped me to realize that life has much more to offer than my constant desire of wanting to shrink myself. As COVID continued, social media served as both a good and bad outlet for me. I felt the need to lose weight because diet culture consumed Instagram and tik tok, especially during the beginning of lockdown. Everywhere I looked, an advertisement or influencer preached about how everyone should use the downtime to lose weight! Right…because in the midst of a global pandemic, we should all be focused on how we look and make ourselves smaller rather than keep ourselves healthy and stay informed on how we can limit the spread of this rapidly growing disease! WRONG. Throughout quarantine, I definitely struggled, but I also learned so much. I created an Instagram blog inspired by influencers similar to Victoria Garrick and Brittani Lancaster to share my story. I am thankful for quarantine because it has made me stronger and has increased my willpower to fight against my eating disorder.
How have your family and friends responded to your eating disorder?
At first, my family and friends didn’t know how to react. And quite honestly, neither did I. I didn't want to believe in them, and they just wanted to help. But the question was how? In the beginning, I was praised by my friends. I always wanted to lose weight, and once I did, they praised me. I took their attention and ran with it. I used their praise as motivation and kept going, ultimately leading me into a spiral. By no means am I blaming my eating disorder on my friends. However, it shows that our society is brainwashed by diet culture, even at such a young age. As my eating disorder got worse, I pushed everyone out of my life. I spent little to no time with friends, and I avoided my family as much as possible. Their positive comments turned negative. At the moment, I failed to realize it, but reflecting on their “negative” comments, they were really trying to help. They were saying things out of love because they didn't know what else they should do. Hearing the words “too skinny” coming out of my grandmother's mouth fed my eating disorder. I just wanted to keep going. was always sad and irritable, affecting my relationships in all aspects of my life. I felt so alone because I felt like no one loved me, but truly it was me, not loving myself. After asking and receiving the help I needed, my friends and family are nothing but supportive. Of course, at times, it feels as though no one understands my problems, and in reality, it's the truth. But at the end of the day, I am so lucky and grateful for my support system and would not be where I am today without them.
I would change the stigma surrounding eating disorders. So many people who struggle with eating disorders are so ashamed and feel the need to hide their struggles due to the stigma. This needs to change. Eating disorders are not a choice and this message needs to be heard. When someone is recovering from an eating disorder, the voice inside of their head does not go away! It is a constant battle everyday and it takes a lot of strength to fight against the ED.
If you could offer advice to anyone who has struggled or is currently struggling with an eating disorder, what would it be?
Everything is going to be okay. I know how hard it is, but you have to keep fighting. Even when you feel like you want to give up and that it is never going to get better, reflect on the progress you have already made. Your ED is not a choice, but you have the choice to fight against it. You are stronger than you think and life is so much more than shrinking yourself. You will find your purpose, but I know for a fact that your eating disorder is not your purpose. Recovery is worth it and you deserve to love yourself no matter what stage of life you are in.
ANONYMOUS,18
Did COVID/ quarantine affect your eating disorder in any way?
In a way, it prompted my disordered eating as well as let me get away with over-exercising.
How have your family and friends responded to your eating disorder?
My family is still in disbelief that I even have an eating disorder. They have tried to be supportive, but it just kind of ended up fueling my ED. My family and close friends in our bubble started to notice that I was losing weight, and the praise I was getting from this started to cause a huge problem. I now not only had bulimia, I now had people encouraging me to hurt my body. My family would encourage me….To work out more. To eat less. They even got excited when I ate a singular carrot for lunch. The more runs and walks I would go on, the more “I’m so proud of you!” “You look amazing!” I got it.
If there is one thing you would like to change about how family, friends, or society view eating disorders, what would it be?
I wish society would stop promoting eating disorders. If you go on tik tok, not only are there videos showing people's weights as they drop. There are people glamorizing recovery. People are promoting disordered eating. This, for me, just made me feel invalid. Because I am not “sick enough” like the people that show up on my fyp. I wish my family just noticed and paid a little more attention to how they were saying things about reacting to certain situations.
Imagine your eating disorder was a person sitting in front of you. If you could say one thing to your eating disorder, what would it be?
I would probably say nothing. That voice doesn’t even deserve a single word from me. It ruined me. And I will forever have open wounds from the trauma. I will never be “normal” again. Or my old self.
If you could offer advice to anyone who has struggled or is currently struggling with an eating disorder, what would it be?
You don’t have to have an eating disorder diagnosis to have disordered eating or disordered thoughts. If you think you have an eating disorder, you probably do. And please seek help. You are not a failure for needing help. You're so strong and brave for even realizing that you are starting to go down a rabbit hole.
ARABELLE BLALACK, 16
Did COVID/ quarantine affect your eating disorder in any way?
My eating disorder actually started a little bit after quarantine. After I began recovery, I wondered what caused it, and I truly believe it was due to quarantine. I think September to December of 2020 was the hardest, especially because of the holidays. I now realize that the main cause of my eating disorder was because I was never leaving the house, which allowed me to spend an excessive amount of time on social media. I was already pretty insecure at the time so seeing all these super-thin models and influencers all over the internet just gave me more reasons to hate my body and the way I looked.
How have your family and friends responded to your eating disorder?
My family clearly tried to be supportive and help me the best they could. My sister was actually the first to notice my eating disorder. She would point out when I didn’t eat at dinner or order a salad instead of my favorite meal at a restaurant. My friends were pretty supportive, but I didn’t want anyone to know, so I was glad when they didn’t point it out. When it got worse, my parents started to make comments about how I was getting too thin. My mom tried to help me by telling me how she had a pretty serious eating disorder in college. Overall I felt very loved and supported by the people around me.
If there is one thing you would like to change about how family, friends, or society view eating disorders, what would it be?
I feel like today's eating disorders can be glamourized by the media, especially in tv shows and movies. They definitely create a false narrative. It is not glamorous to lose your hair or almost pass out every time you stand up. I think that eating disorders should also not be a shameful thing to talk about. Shaming someone's mental health will only make it more deadly. The stigma around eating disorders prevents people from reaching out for help which could be deadly.
Imagine your eating disorder was a person sitting in front of you. If you could say one thing to your eating disorder, what would it be?
If my eating disorder were a person sitting in front of me, I would actually be quite calm. Though there would be many things I would like to say to it, the one thing that I would make sure I said was that it couldn’t control my life. I know that I will always have negative thoughts, and there will be things that trigger me, but I can not let that get in the way of doing things I enjoy, like hanging out with my friends, writing and playing music, and doing my best in school.
If you could offer advice to anyone who has struggled or is currently struggling with an eating disorder, what would it be?
The type of advice to give to someone with an eating disorder can’t be cliche because saying something like “you are beautiful” will not work. People with an eating disorder will not believe, or at least I didn’t. I think the best advice you can give someone is that it is not worth it. You will lose so much more than you gain. I know something that I would have loved to hear was that I don’t want to look back and realize I spent all this time worrying about my appearance then making memories with the people I love.